


and i ask myself: why do i love you?

by yeosinnerz



Series: An Ode To You, Tear My Heart to Pieces and Rebuild Me Like Nothing Happened [7]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Confessions, Dialogue Heavy, Love Confessions, M/M, Phone Calls & Telephones, and the fear that accompanies it, lapslock, the feeling of falling in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27653933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeosinnerz/pseuds/yeosinnerz
Summary: jeonghan finally decides it's time to confess to joshua.lapslock; a first hand feeling story.russian translation!!!
Relationships: Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan
Series: An Ode To You, Tear My Heart to Pieces and Rebuild Me Like Nothing Happened [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636924
Comments: 5
Kudos: 18





	and i ask myself: why do i love you?

**Author's Note:**

> okok, i never write in lapslock, but to capture how i feel inside: i had to. 
> 
> joshua is silent pretty much the entire fic, but the italics is how he feels.
> 
> jeonghan had to do it. thank you, mingyu.
> 
> this is a really dear to me emotional piece, even considering how small it is. for starters, everything jeonghan says to joshua is what i said to the love of my life on november 11th. mingyu takes the place of my best friend, who cried when i read her what i was going to read to Him. 
> 
> the only issue that doesn't line up in jeonghan's confession and in mine is that i purposely made sure joshua didn't have a significant other because i just wanted to feel like the feelings were returned.
> 
> being in love is scary.

jeonghan just got off the phone with mingyu. he's finally going to do it. mingyu thinks it's a good idea, considering when jeonghan read what he was going to say, mingyu cried. jeonghan is finally going to do it. 

he pulls up his messenger application.

**han:** are you home?

**shua:** yeah. what's up?

**han:** can i call you really quick?

**shua:** yeah.

the phone seems to ring a long time. it's uncomfortable, it makes jeonghan want to abandon his entire plan.

joshua picks up the phone. his deep, tired voice filters through the phone.

"i don't want this to come between us," jeonghan says, fiddling with the paper in his hand. "but i really have to tell you this. i'll hang up after i'm done talking, is that okay?"

_ "yes. take your time, i'll listen." _

"i love you… because you care. i love you because you've always been there. i love you because you're selfless. i love you… because you have more care in your body than anyone else i have ever met."

his voice cracks up.

"i… i love you because you make life interesting. i love you because you're so friendly, so kind to others, but also so kind to me."

he can feel the tears in his throat.

"you've seen me in all my raw forms, except for one. i'd like to share it with you someday. i feel so bad that you've had to deal with me. but most importantly, i'm sorry we didn't work out the first time."

he has to take a second to calm himself down.

"but i'm frustrated. because it's taken my heart so long to figure out what my mind already knows. and it's loving you unconditionally."

a pause, a breath, a silence. he can hear joshua breathe quietly, patiently.

"i love you so much."

_ ("i love you too," he wants to say, but the words don't find their way out of his throat.) _

"and i'll wait for you as long as it takes for me to be able to tell you this."

_ ("me too, dear. let it out. tell me, what do you want?") _

"i love you so much. i'll wait for your time. i'll wait for you."

_ ("you don't need to wait, i'm already right here.") _

"for now and forever, my choice is you. it's always been you."

there's a quick silence, and with shaking hands, jeonghan closes the line, and then picks his phone up again to type a message out.

**han:** i love you. don't you ever forget that.

**Author's Note:**

> i wonder. do you love me the same?


End file.
